Beyond Suicide

Kia ora, I'm Lynda Hills, a PhD student from The University of Auckland researching suicide and for the first time I'll be sharing my research and experience outside of academic conferences. I have a Masters in disability and inclusion studies and was formally a primary school teacher in the Bay of Plenty. My masters explored how the Pentecostal church culture impacts those who are disabled or experiencing mental distress and my PhD research examines the risks and benefits of common treatments used for suicide prevention such as antidepressants and antipsychotics. I share my own experience of akathisia (a side effect of antidepressants) and how engaging with indigenous approaches to wellbeing supported me in reclaiming my dignity. My interest in lived experience consulting and suicide research springs from my own experiences with mental distress and the challenges I faced when dealing with our mental health system.

When I was 27, after battling bulimia, anxiety, and depression for over eight years, I overdosed and jumped of 15th Ave bridge in Tauranga, landing on the road below. Somehow miraculously, I survived the 20 metre jump but was left with permanent physical disabilities as a result. Since that time in 2009, I've had 42 surgeries and had to learn to walk twice. I also lived with three unstable pelvic fractures for seven years, causing me more pain than most people could comprehend. That physical pain, however, was one millionth as painful as the emotional torment I injured prior to the bridge.

I've spoken at numerous academic conferences but this is the first time I will speak publicly about my research and it seemed fitting to do it back in the Bay. Far from the traditional story of recovery, mine is one of pain, shame, and suffering. But through my story, I go beyond that and share what I have learned through my research and experience, and what gives me hope for others who are now in the same place that I once was. It's held in a church but it's not a church event, it's for anyone. If you're a mental health professional, someone struggling with your mental wellbeing, or just like a good story, you're welcome. It's the story that I wish someone would or could have shared with me before my jump. Feel free to share!